Minyassa

I just decided to wander in here and clear all my notifications, of which there were hundreds, and catch up on art I've missed and journals and such. How long has it been? I had stuff in there from before last Halloween. :/ I feel like this year has gone by in a haze, and in a lot of ways it has. I've been struggling with chronic pain and slogging through all the medical crap that comes with it, making infinitesimal progress and losing ground in a lot of ways. My faith in the medical system is shaken pretty hard but I can't give up on it, especially since it's now affecting my hands in a big way; my carpal tunnel has decided to really set in

I am so envious of people who can use art as therapy to help them through depressive episodes. I see a lot of very inspiring collections of art made as the artist's expression of pain, as self-help, as records of struggle. When my depression kicks up, my muse flat-out dies. I have not been able to do anything more than stare at a blank screen and futz with settings lately, it's just not there. Nada. And that's even more depressing.

My machine has finally degraded to the point where I can't even set up scenes for my friend to render for me--it won't even let me do fastdrafts anymore. That's it for me, I do DOZENS of test renders while setting up scenes, and uploading a new file to her every time I tweak something is not going to be good for either of us. So I made a GoFundMe because I am still only halfway to my new computer fund goal. Here 'tis if you are interested: https://www.gofundme.com/help-heather-art-again